


Over him, hurting me

by sapphireandgold



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Canon Compliant, Gen, Hurt Klaus Hargreeves, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I love Klaus, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Klaus Hargreeves Deserves Better, Klaus Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Oops, Pre-Canon, Suicidal Thoughts, but love hurting him more, im stepping in, the show didn't portray their hurt enough
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:14:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26394739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphireandgold/pseuds/sapphireandgold
Summary: Klaus stared at Ben's body. And stared. It felt as if someone had sliced him through with a dagger, brought him back, and done it again. Over and over. What he was feeling... It was simply indescribable.Or, a short interpretation of how Klaus felt and acted upon Ben's death.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	Over him, hurting me

**Author's Note:**

> I felt like writing angst and then this fic was born :) The italic text shows flashbacks by the way and now with that aside, enjoy!

Klaus stared at Ben's body. And stared. It felt as if someone had sliced him through with a dagger, brought him back, and done it again. Over and over. What he was feeling... It was simply indescribable. Nothing could heal him at this point. No amount of condolences helped the searing pain in his chest. The funeral was starting in three hours so he just figured he could sit with Ben before he was truly gone. Although he still had an _actual_ chance at still seeing him, it wasn't the same. 

## 

" _The world is full of injustice. Good people die along with the bad. Individuals who have the strength to pull together, against insurmountable odds. To face adversity with unblinking courage, and not to hesitate to sacrifice themselves... For another. You allowed Number Six to die on this mission_ -"

Klaus shuffled out, his shoulders slumped and head bowed, then left the his cold, secluded room. His father's words haunted him each day, Ben did. He hadn't shown up in a couple of days now but when he saw a silhouette that definitely belonged to his brother. _'Oh.'_ "Klaus..." 

"Yeah?" 

"You know its not really your fault I died right?" 

"I am not thinking about-" 

"I can see it in your eyes, bro," 

Klaus' mild demeanor crumbled right there and then, because he started chocking on his tears. "It's... It's m-my fault though. I failed you. We all did and now you can't even... It's all a mess!" he trailed off, his sobs echoing in the vast and quiet hall. 

"I can't stand this." Klaus declared, stomping angrily and out of the doors of the mansion, ignoring Ben's pleas to stop as he took a hard left and cut past a corner then found himself in a narrow, dark alleyway. Behind a certain dumpster, he saw a well hidden door then knocked on it. Large footsteps were heard inside until a tall, broad chested man opened and smiled at seeing Klaus's face. His smile dropped then got replaced with a frown when he saw the teenage boy's red puffy eyes and tear streaked cheeks. 

"What's wrong, kid?" The boy in question looked up at the large man and sniffled before saying "Do you have drugs Harold? My brother's death is still just so painful to bear and... only drugs can help. It makes me feel better somehow." The man nodded slowly. "Come in then." 

He led him down another passage and then they came to an abrupt stop, where the man disappeared into a room and came back with a small packet of powder and two white tablets. "Here ya go kid. I gave you some Meth and a a small dose of crack. That should tide ya over for a day or two." Harold handed the drugs over to Klaus after he handed fifty dollars to him. 

"Thank you Harold. I mean it," They both walked out and Klaus found himself staring at the little sachets in his hand. Ben appeared next to Klaus again and saw the drugs. "Klaus are you seriously buying this crap again? I thought I told you not to! This is all not your fault and this might end as badly as the last time! Remember? When you tried to kill yourself?!" 

## 

_Klaus was standing on top of the Hargreeves mansion, the rain steadily getting heavier as the boy got ready to throw himself off. Ben and Grace luckily convinced him to come back down. Reginald said to keep it quiet._

_On a random afternoon, Klaus came back from training bleeding on the wrist. His hot, sticky blood pooling on the floor as he helplessly cried and cried. It was an image that burned into the back of his mind horribly. They cleaned up the mess and said nothing of it._

__

_One morning, Klaus was passed out in the kitchen with several empty beer bottles scattered around him and a half finsihed drink still clutched in his hand. Pogo packed up the bottles, recycled them, and asked Grace to help him carry the boy to his room and change the beer stenched clothing for it to go get burned. Ben sat quietly and watched his brother until he woke up._

## 

"DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH IT HURTS SEEING YOU DO THIS KIND OF STUFF?" Ben shouted in frustration. 

Klaus just kept and blank face as he walked back to the mansion. "What stuff?" He said nonchalantly while Ben huffed in annoyance. "I mean _this_. It's not nice having to watch your brother rot away little by little. It has been a whole year and your still blaming yourself. Move on dude," This time, Klaus actually stopped and turned to face Ben. "I am fine Ben. Plus don't you see? I am moving on and these drugs are totally helping." He turned on his heel and started walking again. 

__

Ben sighed loudly, clearly resigning from the situation. "If you die, I will never forgive you or myself." 

__

Klaus slammed the door shut behind him and stared at the drugs in his hand again. He fished an old gift card from under his bed started lining up the powder. He then crushed the tablets and tried focusing despite Ben's pacing and his low muttering of "It's not a good idea... It's not a good idea..." 

__

Shrugging, Klaus inhaled the substance and then let his eyes roll back. He sat still for a few moments with laboured breaths being the only sound in the quiet room. He inhaled deeply and then a sudden wave of happiness, pleasure and joy kicked in. As if nothing in the world could go wrong. As if all his worries suddenly vanished. This was a feeling he could get used to. It was what he would live for. 

__

## 

_._

## 

__'What I would live for.'_ _

**Author's Note:**

> To put it simply, I have always imagined this is how Klaus started using drugs.


End file.
